Sentimental, in the Very Best Sense

My mother-in-law Jane is sentimental, in the very best sense of the word.  She and I have that in common, among other things, which is surely part of the reason her son fell in love with me.  Jane saved the outfit Christian wore when they brought him home from the hospital forty-some years ago along with the exquisite ivory knit Hudson Bay baby blanket and matching booties he was swaddled in.  Just before Xavier was born, she sent them to us to wrap up her grandson when he came home from the hospital, which we did.

She also saved Christian's teddy bear, in mint condition minus his voice, which she brought as a gift when she came to meet Xavier two weeks later.

We've just returned from visiting Jane in Toronto where she lives in the same condominium complex where she brought up her two children (she moved away once briefly but moved back as she missed the neighborhood).  She pulled out family photo albums where she looks as glamorous as ever in miniskirts while Christian toddles about in sailor suits in Hyde Park in London and Stanley Park in Vancouver.  She told stories of her father's pet lion, her pet tortoise Aldolphus, life at her convent school and the ship voyage when she emigrated to Canada from England as a young bride in the 60's.  I can't get enough of the stories and she has an amazing recall of dates and details.  She's promising a memoir.

Wanting to show me more of Ontario, Jane planned a weekend in the pretty and historic town of Niagara-on-the-Lake with a stop at Niagara Falls.  She insisted on taking us to dinner at the superb Oban Inn, a place she'd dined with her parents in 1977, with Christian and his sister when they were younger and recently with her bachelor friend Colin, who shares her taste in theater, film and the arts.  The inn is an institution, so naturally she wanted to take her grandson to the same place to knit together the generations through more associations and good memories - and the food is still amazing.

She bought tickets for the Saturday opening night of Oscar Wilde's "Lady Windemere's Fan" at the Shaw Festival for Christian and I to enjoy a rare date.  This was a lovely gift for us but really her ulterior motive was simply to have her grandson all to herself for a few hours.  We were happy to oblige.  The play was excellent and while the actors tossed many witticisms across the stage, this one struck a chord with me: 

     LORD DARLINGTON. What cynics you fellows are!

     CECIL GRAHAM. What is a cynic?

     LORD DARLINGTON. A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

    
     CECIL GRAHAM. And a sentimentalist, my dear Darlington, is a man who sees an absurd
     value in everything, and doesn't know the market price of any single thing.

We had a good chuckle as Oscar intended, but some of us know there is great sentimental value in certain everyday objects, family keepsakes and places which trigger happy memories.  I will always be sentimental about these treasures and stories from Jane.  And I will carefully and lovingly save the little dress, blanket and teddy bear for Xavier's future child.  Perhaps many years from now, we'll take him and his family to dine at the Oban Inn, and I'll send him off for an evening so I can play with my own grandchild.

Humanitarian Awards All Around

Anne, my best friend from my home town, was in Seattle recently and as we caught up over a glass of wine she reminded me of a conversation we'd had as teens about our futures.  Apparently I'd announced I would become a philanthropist.  I must have imagined glittering parties where I would hobnob with big-hearted celebrities while debating which auction item to buy for the good of the world.  Where or how I might come by my millions to donate was merely a detail.  I smile fondly at my young self but realize now how fortunate I was to have family "philanthropists" as role models.  My maternal grandfather was a volunteer fireman, my paternal grandfather was a fundraising powerhouse for school athletic programs, my mother has raised money with her PEO club (and countless other women’s groups) and my father has given time and money through his Rotary Club.  At my Catholic high school, all seniors had to choose a personal volunteer project for a class called Christian Service so I chose to walk dogs at the Humane Society, which ended up being a healthy dose of animal therapy for an angst-y teenager.

Fast forward a few years and guess what?  I have attended many charity auctions and black-tie fundraising galas but rather than accepting awards for my humanitarian largesse, I've usually been in the wings printing name badges, directing a parade of servers, making sure the speakers had water bottles and checking microphones.  And while these events can raise a lot of money, the truth is that glitzy fundraisers are a dime a dozen and are becoming passe.  The cost to put on those swanky events could instead be going directly to the cause itself.  PONCHO, the venerable Seattle institution which spent 50 years raising $35 million dollars to distribute to local arts organizations decided to close down recently as they realized the fundraising model is changing.  Donors want transparency to make sure their money is maximized.  With today's technology, grassroots fundraising is becoming more and more powerful as social networking and websites like Catapult spread the word, raise money and keep organizational costs down.

Better than spending time in stuffy conference centers with lukewarm dinners and cheap champagne, I now prefer community action fundraising events.  Yesterday I helped raise over $10,000 by walking 15 miles with the Seattle Ladies Underground Giving, affectionately know as the SLUGS.  The collaborative effort involved 25 women gathering $25 from 25 people to build a pre- and post-natal clinic in Malawi through Partners in Health.  Since becoming a mother myself and learning that complications from pregnancy and childbirth are the leading causes of death for 15-19 year old women and adolescent girls in developing countries, maternal health is my banner cause.  The event raised a pile of money and we all enjoyed a sunny day out in Green Lake Park exercising with our families and friends.  Margaret Mead's words ring ever true:  "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

Photo courtesy of Julie Myers

As he grows older, I want to teach my own son to be a caring and generous community supporter. I like the idea of giving a child $25 (or whatever amount is appropriate) and sitting down together each year to create a giving plan for causes that are important to him.  Perhaps he'll want to adopt an endangered animal, donate toys and clothes to a homeless shelter or serve dinner at a soup kitchen.  Everyone has different causes that tug on their heartstrings.

What causes do you care about deeply?  What charities make you pull out your pocketbook?  Not only money, but time and advocacy too are important drivers for changing the world.  It is possible that you may not even realize that you are a philanthropist.  If you volunteer at your child's school, buy Girl Scout Cookies or offer a dollar to the down-on-his-luck-veteran outside the grocery store, you too are a philanthropist.  Vigorous applause please as we hand out humanitarian awards all around.  My fellow SLUGS and all our supporters get an extra gold star.  Thank you for all you do to make the world a better place.

Remembering My Heroes

My Grandpa Bob, or "Uncle Bob" as he preferred we call him, served as a 1st Lieutenant in the 101st Airborne in World War II.  After dropping into Normandy, he was later injured by shrapnel fire in Holland ("Shot in the ass in the face of the enemy," he'd say) but finished out the war in the Battle of the Bulge before coming home.  He was decorated with two Purple Hearts and a Silver Star and is now buried in Arlington Cemetery next to his wife Alice LaVerne.  Before he died, he would proudly tell people with a twinkle in his eye, "I'll be buried right behind President Kennedy.......about a mile behind him."  Someday I'll take my husband and son to put flowers on their graves, but in the meantime we can visit Arlington Cemetery's virtual map.

During the war, my grandfather also served as the Athletic Officer for the 101st.  As a heavy-weight boxer himself, he fought Joe Louis in an exhibition match--which he lost.  He went on to fight Golden Glove tournaments and years later gave my older brother Patrick a few tips, one of which was to let the other guy throw all the punches until he tires himself out.  Note to self.

Patrick gave a moving eulogy at my grandfather's funeral and described his career as a family man, a community leader and a dedicated and beloved football coach who was known for turning mediocre teams into winning machines. He ended the tribute by saying, "Heaven's football team must be in a slump," which had the large crowd laughing through their tears. You can see photos of Coach Bob Burns in the South Dakota Sports Hall of Fame.  What a character that man was.

Inspired by my grandfather, Patrick went on to join the army as a JAG lawyer and became a paratrooper himself.  He has tapped into the network of I Company 502, a group of comrades, widows and family of men in the 101st Airborne.  A few years ago Patrick tracked down Private Marvin Cartwright who fought next to my grandfather. I tagged along the day Patrick went to meet and interview him about his time in the war.  My brother videotaped the conversation and we enjoyed the afternoon listening to his stories.  So few people think to ask questions and I'm glad Patrick thought to ask.  It clearly meant a lot to Marvin, who has since passed away, and to his family.

Today I also remember others in my family who have served:  My maternal Grandfather Charles Markley, Uncle Jerry Markley, Cousin Tom Burns and Uncle John Burns.  My husband's maternal grandfather actually served in England's military in World War I, but that is story for another day.

Thank you to all who have served and to all the everyday heroes.  Enjoy the holiday today!

Any Excuse

There is even more to celebrate than I'd realized.  May 19 is my husband's birthday of course, but I just learned it is also the date the Spanish armada set sail and the date Oscar Wilde was released from prison.

After breakfast and presents, we took a walk in the arboretum and then attended a party thrown by our friends Joe and Kiyomi to celebrate Oscar's freedom.  Turns out they simply wanted to have a party, decided on a convenient date and then cast about for any excuse to celebrate.  I love this.

The invitation said, "Come join us for an afternoon/evening to celebrate May 19, Oscar Wilde's 1897 release from prison (or any other event that happened on May 19 that you wish to celebrate).  There will be lovely people, oysters, paella and perhaps some live music.  Bring the kids. We would love to see you."

And music there was!  The Nyamusiwa Marimba Ensemble set up in the back yard and played their hearts out. 

Taylor Shellfish Farms shucked oysters, a talented guy named Tom cooked paella over an open fire and Manny's flowed from the keg.  A hundred people shimmied, slurped,  bounced babies and congratulated each other for being counted by Joe and Kiyomi as "lovely people."

In addition to hosting fabulous parties, Joe paints. He showed us some recent pieces in his studio where this quote caught my eye:

Joe, I am taking notes from you my friend.

Paper Confessions & Lego Moleskines

When I was born, my parents sent out this cheeky announcement.

As a paper lover who adores to send and receive mail in the post, I have a confession.  I did not send out a birth announcement for my son as I’d meant to do.  I did not send out holiday cards featuring a sweet photo of him on his first Christmas.  And I did not send out new home address cards when we moved to Seattle.  I have been carrying a wee bit of guilt over this for a year now.  Really, I need to let it go.  Exhale.

But I did send out a few invitations for Xavier’s birthday party.  I found them at the lovely little Wallingford shop Paper Delights.

We had a perfect-sized gathering for the backyard party where all of us big people drank champagne and the pack of little boys ate cheerios and lemon curd-laced cupcakes.  I passed around a Lego Moleskine notebook (thank you, Auntie Rebecca!) for guests to write birthday wishes.  I’ll pull it out again next year at his 2^nd birthday, and again each year after so he can flip through it to remember all the friends who celebrated with him at each party.  If only I could remember who came to all my birthdays over the years and what we did.  You'd think these special days would stand out clearly in one's memory, but so many details go smudgy and fade out as years pass.

Thank you to all you special people who love Xavier and helped to make his first birthday such fun!  His birthday season is now drawing to a close and my husband's birthday season begins....

How You Shine

A Very Happy Mother's Day to all you fabulous Moms out there, today and every day!

Doesn't this Nikki McClure card just warm your heart?  I love her art which she cuts with an x-acto knife.  She makes calendars, illustrated books and cards and just recently had a retrospective at the Bellevue Art Museum.  She is a favorite out here in the Pacific Northwest.

Today I am basking in love from my husband and son.  I am enjoying being a mom so much and I have my own wonderful mother to thank for showing me how well it can be done.  I wrote to thank her for a few of my favorite memories.  Below is a selection:

• Thank you for that amazing mermaid halloween costume you made for me in first grade - still my favorite costume ever.
• Thank you for always letting me finish "just one more chapter" in my book before I set the table for dinner.
• Thank you for being a great example of why "It never hurts to ask."  This has opened so many doors for me over the years.
• Thank you for stretching out like a happy cat on sunny patches of grass.  You always knew how to grab and enjoy a golden moment!
• Thank you for being so cheerful and fun-loving.  I learned to not take life too seriously from a pro.

Take a couple of minutes and write down five happy memories with your mother.  Be as specific as possible.  Call her and read the list to her, send it over email or shout it to the world on Facebook.  I guarantee this will be the best present she receives on Mother's Day.

And here's a lovely poem celebrating a new mother....enjoy!

For My Wife

~ Steven Lautermilch

We are being born again,

getting second breath in skin and bone, vein

and artery, that once in grunion milt by sea and riverbed

died to take to air.

Through you I find new sight, see the egg

face to face, know the fish, grasp the tree and vine and

blossoming play the ape, to pay out more, still

more this cord our life-line, into time, into space.

With such grace you grow awkward, pantomime and trance

the moon and tides in their slow dance around the earth.

And then, delivered and light, how you shine,

how you shine.

Experiential Birthday Presents

Yesterday my son turned one.  For a present, his daddy and I gave him a Passport to the National Parks and his first official stamp.

We had been invited up to see friends at Cultus Lake just outside of Vancouver.  My husband said, "We could go Friday to visit friends in New West, then head to the party on Saturday. And then I might as well go into the Vancouver office for a few days and we can see cousins and friends in the city." Pause. "And then since we are up there, maybe we could go see my Dad for a few days and I could work from Victoria."  Pause.  "And (here he started excitedly poking me in the arm) we could loop home to Seattle by ferry to the Olympic Peninsula and go camping in the Hoh Rainforest!"  This is how my husband's brain works.  He is a master of logistics and a maximizer extraordinaire.  So that is how 11 days later, 700 miles, 3 ferries, 1 petting zoo, several dinner parties, 2 ten-mile hikes and 3 campfires later we ended up celebrating Xavier's birthday in a spectacular and unusually sunny rainforest.  

I love to give experiential gifts and this one will keep on giving for years to come as we explore all over the country together as a family.  Very likely my son will inherit my collector gene although I suppose there is a chance he’ll roll his eyes in future years as I insist on stamping his passport, but no matter.

Apparently these passports are popular in many arenas.  A few years ago, I visited my sister and her husband in Japan where they were teaching English.  My favorite souvenir from Kyoto was a sort of temple passport, this beautiful book with accordion-style pages.  

At each temple, many of them UNESCO World Heritage Sites, a calligrapher marks your visit by writing the date, temple name and some other beautiful notations in Japanese script I cannot read.  I gleefully ran around - I mean I serenely strolled through the temples collecting calligraphy inscriptions.  I must go back to Japan someday soon for the incomparable food, the friendly people, the relaxing onsens and more calligraphy inscriptions for my temple passport.  

Seattle Public Libraries put out a passport in 2008 to celebrate 10 years of renovations to the 27 neighborhood branches.  A friend in my book club visited each branch with her two young kids and had a ball filling up their passport.  

And then there are actual international passports.  Who doesn't feel a thrill when entering a new land and hearing that satisfying thunk! as the official stamp is issued?  What better memory aid then flipping through a passport to recall all your adventures?

Here is Xavier at 5 Mile Island in the Olympic National Park.  He assured me this birthday has been his best one yet.